tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50362903072168579692024-02-20T17:16:39.556-08:00Scilly ProfanisaurusMarcus Lawsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08215807414194366085noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5036290307216857969.post-52220281608471475942014-03-11T13:31:00.001-07:002014-03-11T13:35:31.886-07:00Scilly ProfanisaurusLong distance twitches can often drag a bit so whilst travelling down to Cornwall a few years back (1999 I think) Pete Simpson and I compiled this puerile, vulgar but hopefully mildly amusing Profanisaurus based solely on names of places on the Isles of Scilly.<br />
<br />
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="border-collapse: collapse; width: 927px;" x:str="">
<colgroup><col style="mso-width-alt: 4900; mso-width-source: userset; width: 101pt;" width="134"></col>
<col style="mso-width-alt: 29001; mso-width-source: userset; width: 595pt;" width="793"></col>
<tbody>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Wingletang</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A set of excessive beef curtains</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Old
Town Café</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A visit to the lower regions of
a more mature ladies private area "I think the fish might have been off
last night at the Old Town Café"</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Barnaby
Lane</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Where two young men go for a
stroll whilst playing for the same side</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Salakee
Lane</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Where comfy shoe wearing ladies
take a stroll</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Bar
Point</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Aggressive beer induced finger
wagging</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Kitty
Down</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A young lady's first signs of
pubity</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Silver
Trail</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The result of pulling out at the
point of no return and shooting your load over a lady's belly</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Beady
Pool</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The end of Silver trail</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Holy
Vale</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A choirboy's robe, ie the Vicar
lifted young Quentin's Holy Vale</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Pulpit
Rock</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The state of arousal reached by
the vicar after visiting Holy Vale</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">David
Hunt Hide</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A particularly large pair of
knickers</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Abbey
Pool</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The residue of a Monk's wet
dream</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Turks
Head</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The urgent need to find a place
to sit down and contemplate life</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Horse
Point</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">When a young lady attempts to
swallow more than she can take</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Dump
Clump</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A particularly nasty set of bum
grapes</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Porthellick</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A very pungent Old Town Café</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Rose
Cottage</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A sweat smelling area near
Wingletang</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Old
Grimsby</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Catching crabs at the Old Town
Café</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">New
Grimsby</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">See Kitty Down</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Carn
Near</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A close shave with the owner of
the Old Town Café after receiving some unwanted attention in the Bishop and
Wolf</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Shipman
Head</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Take the pleasure boat to
. A
Scilly boatman down Barnaby Lane</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Maypole</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Morning glory. Sunrise over
Kitty Down. What a young Scillonian female may receive if she inadvertently
wanders down Barnaby Lane</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The
Roads</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A gaping Wingletang</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Newford
Duck Pond</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A very well used Wingletang</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Seven
Stones</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A collection of Dump Clumps</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Darrity's
Hole</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The tradesman's entrance.
"The Old Town Café was closed today as the decorators were in so I had
to go round to Darrity's Hole".</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Parting
Carn</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Preparing for an expedition to
Wingletang</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Turfy
Hill</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The stage before Kitty Down</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Heathy
Hill</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A more mature and unkempt Kitty
Down</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Gimble
Porth</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The resultant offspring when
cousins marry</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Lawrence's
Brow</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Pull out at the last minute
before the moment of no return ie "he pulled out right on the Lawrence's
Brow leading to Beady Pool"</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Shooters
Pool</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">What comes after the climax of
reaching Lawrence's Brow</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Piper's
Hole</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A Tardis. ie something that is
much bigger on the inside than it appears from the outside (Billie Piper's
fanny)</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Morning
Point</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">To wake up in a state of arousal</span></td>
</tr>
<tr height="17" style="height: 12.75pt; mso-height-source: userset;">
<td class="xl22" height="17" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; height: 12.75pt; width: 101pt;" width="134"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Tolman
Point</span></td>
<td class="xl22" style="background-color: transparent; border: 0px windowtext; width: 595pt;" width="793"><span style="font-family: Arial;">What happens when you drive
along the Sandwich ancient highway without stopping at the toll booth</span></td>
</tr>
</tbody></colgroup></table>
Marcus Lawsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08215807414194366085noreply@blogger.com0