Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Scilly Profanisaurus

Long distance twitches can often drag a bit so whilst travelling down to Cornwall a few years back (1999 I think) Pete Simpson and I compiled this puerile, vulgar but hopefully mildly amusing Profanisaurus based solely on names of places on the Isles of Scilly.

Wingletang A set of excessive beef curtains
Old Town Café A visit to the lower regions of a more mature ladies private area "I think the fish might have been off last night at the Old Town Café"
Barnaby Lane Where two young men go for a stroll whilst playing for the same side
Salakee Lane Where comfy shoe wearing ladies take a stroll
Bar Point Aggressive beer induced finger wagging
Kitty Down A young lady's first signs of pubity
Silver Trail The result of pulling out at the point of no return and shooting your load over a lady's belly
Beady Pool The end of Silver trail
Holy Vale A choirboy's robe, ie the Vicar lifted young Quentin's Holy Vale
Pulpit Rock The state of arousal reached by the vicar after visiting Holy Vale
David Hunt Hide A particularly large pair of knickers
Abbey Pool The residue of a Monk's wet dream
Turks Head The urgent need to find a place to sit down and contemplate life
Horse Point When a young lady attempts to swallow more than she can take
Dump Clump A particularly nasty set of bum grapes
Porthellick A very pungent Old Town Café
Rose Cottage A sweat smelling area near Wingletang
Old Grimsby Catching crabs at the Old Town Café
New Grimsby See Kitty Down
Carn Near A close shave with the owner of the Old Town Café after receiving some unwanted attention in the Bishop and Wolf
Shipman Head Take the pleasure boat to……. A Scilly boatman down Barnaby Lane
Maypole Morning glory. Sunrise over Kitty Down. What a young Scillonian female may receive if she inadvertently wanders down Barnaby Lane
The Roads A gaping Wingletang
Newford Duck Pond A very well used Wingletang
Seven Stones A collection of Dump Clumps
Darrity's Hole The tradesman's entrance. "The Old Town Café was closed today as the decorators were in so I had to go round to Darrity's Hole".
Parting Carn Preparing for an expedition to Wingletang
Turfy Hill The stage before Kitty Down
Heathy Hill A more mature and unkempt Kitty Down
Gimble Porth The resultant offspring when cousins marry
Lawrence's Brow Pull out at the last minute before the moment of no return ie "he pulled out right on the Lawrence's Brow leading to Beady Pool"
Shooters Pool What comes after the climax of reaching Lawrence's Brow
Piper's Hole A Tardis. ie something that is much bigger on the inside than it appears from the outside (Billie Piper's fanny)
Morning Point To wake up in a state of arousal
Tolman Point What happens when you drive along the Sandwich ancient highway without stopping at the toll booth

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